I have spent most of my life living in too muchness. This was never more present than when it came to my drinking and drug taking. A true life of muchness.

I was either not drinking, going to the gym every day, juicing, going to yoga and going to bed at 10:00pm or going out for 2 days straight and bouncing between high and hungover. This translated to every area of my life. I was either fully IN or fully OUT.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen sober coaches, sober Instagram pages, sober podcasts, books or articles shame moderation. I believe that the concept moderation isn’t here to be shamed but to be shared because the majority of us wouldn’t have even got to more positive drinking habits or indeed sobriety without it.

The concept of moderation to anyone with a difficult relationship with alcohol can seem like a unicorn that they can almost touch but as much as they try they somehow just end up back on the drinking horse. It can seem like an impossible dance back and forth trying to reach the promised lands of moderation.

I spent my life in this dance for years. Wanting my drinking habits to be better, thinking that this time would be different, thinking I could just have one or two (and sometimes I could). Then I would always end back into my cycle and feel deflated, guilty and like I had let myself down again. I know how difficult this can feel but I think there is much value in moderation and much to be learned from the concept. 

I have noted below my tops reasons why I think moderation shouldn’t be shamed and can actually empower us on our journey; 

Moderation can feel like a less scary place to explore than sobriety – moderation can often be the first step into a sobriety journey. Many people start to think that their drinking habits are having a negative effect in their life and want this to change. The thought of giving up alcohol FOREVER or for a long period can seem terrifying but moderation gives us a first step into exploring a life with less alcohol.

Moderation can highlight the help you actually need – you might arrive at moderation thinking you will just start to have one or two on a night out and slowly start to realise that you are drinking more than you intended and that moderation isn’t actually possible for you (no judgement by the way its a difficult place to straddle for sure). This can often lead to people reaching out for further support and looking into other options (hello sobriety).

Some people can genuinely moderate – I know people that are moderate drinkers, I know people that have had serious drug and drink issues and can have the occasional drink. I realise this might not be the majority but these people exist and who are we to take that away or shame this option when for some people it really works and helps them to lead a healthier and happier life.

Moderation can make sobriety easier – the thing is if you have tried to moderate and it hasn’t worked out for you it might make it easier to land in a totally alcohol-free life. It can make you feel like you have explored all avenues and feel like an easier segway into sober living without feeling like there is something else you need to explore.

Moderation has helped me in my own journey from both sides of the coin. I have experienced this being useful  as I once had a very problematic relationship with alcohol and moderation was never an option for me despite trying so hard and this is what made me realise I needed to get sober. 

Then after my years of getting to the root cause of my drinking, therapy, changing daily habits, training in the many courses I have done around addiction and transformation and no longer needing to escape my life, I found myself in a situation where I was able to indeed just have one or two on occasion and the concept of moderation allowed me a space to explore.

I don’t think that without being 4 years totally sober and doing such deep work on myself I would have gotten to a space where an occasional drink was possible for me. My months of moderation also gave me greater insights into what alcohol gives me and the truth of that is that it makes me feel vibrationally lower and living alcohol-free is how I want to live my life. 

Moderation can be the reason someone gets to sobriety, moderation can be the reason someone is able to cut down their drinking and moderation can be the reason why someone is able to look at their relationship with alcohol in the first place.  Let’s not shame it!

If I were to ask you what your unhealthy habits are, what would you tell me?

Mine right now is scrolling on the internet on my phone before bed and first thing in the morning. I once had my morning routine sussed and my phone didn’t make an appearance until I had finished but bad habits have a way of creeping back in if we don’t become vigilant with them. This is also my accountability FYI that from tomorrow (Monday is always a great day to start a new habit by the way so do feel free to join me) I will get back into reading 20 minutes before bed and do a meditation when I first wake up. Accountability is key when we are looking to make a change. If you feel like it do let me know in the comments section what small or big change you would like to make this week and we can do this together!

A good example of when an unhealthy habit of mine spiralled is when I started socially smoking at college and then just like that I was going to the newsagent every morning and I became a daily smoker. What was once an unhealthy social habit soon becomes an unhealthy addiction. Smoking has also been the most difficult thing for me to kick. It has helped me deal with breakups and breakdowns in my hangover free life and given me something to help deal with difficult emotions. But each time I have picked it back up again I put it back down straight away and unlike my younger smoking days it stays firmly in the unhealthy habit category and does not spiral into the addiction category (progress not perfection right?).  Don’t get me wrong I have dealt with plenty of big things without resorting back to unhealthy behaviours but sometimes life happens and it all feels too much and we need to move through turbulent times with some sort of coping method (maybe yours is alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, online shopping, gambling, food or social media). 

I am telling you this because it’s important to recognise we are all human. I am by no means perfect and yes I have overcome a lot but we are still all just doing our best and navigating the rocky waters of life. The last few months in my life have been particularly difficult but I am pleased to report I have dealt with things through running, yoga, swimming, cups of tea and tapping with maybe some internet scrolling but like I said progress not perfection. I call this habit positive progress. 

But what happens when we can’t stop our unhealthy habit? 

I have recently been studying a new coaching course with the amazing Nikki Heyder (if you don’t follow her you definitely should) and this has been a topic we have been covering. I wanted to share this with you because we ALL have unhealthy habits of some sort but when exactly does this become an addiction?

There is no doubt about it, sober socialising can feel daunting at times. Even though I have been hangover free for 5 years and have had many many sober socialising experiences there are still moments I feel socially awkward, know I would feel more excited about the evening if I thought I was going to have a drink and question whether or not I actually want to go (because honestly staying in bed with a cup of tea is calling my name).

Regardless of whether you are sober sober, sober curious, hangover free or just taking a night off from time to time it can feel more challenging and more daunting than others. Today I wanted to write about some of the challenges you might face to let you know this is completely normal and that you are not alone.

I have listed below some challenges you might face…

Never have I ever had more regret than my drinking days and dating. I would wake up feeling anxious about what I said knowing I had over shared on every area of my life, potentially suggesting we should pick up drugs and most probably ending back at theirs. The sinking feeling of knowing I will probably not ever see them again. What I really wanted was to feel held and feel love even if it was for a fleeting moment. The cost of these fleeting moments were a spiral of self deprecation and feeling even worse about myself than I already did. This was the destructive cycle of my dating life pre 2018. Just about as destructive as my drinking and drug taking. I would most probably already be half cut by the time I even got to the date. I would often think of all the potential boyfriends that maybe would have been had I not been such a mess in my dating heyday (although now I am very grateful that none of them actually did become my boyfriend).

When I got sober I started my true journey of self love where I learnt to practice self love and not seek validation from external factors (in my case the opposite sex), I started to create boundaries in my dating life, get really intentional about the type of person and relationship I wanted. I started to get to know myself and figure out what I actually wanted instead of just caring if someone was good looking and was going to get drunk with me (no wonder things never really worked out).

Regardless where you are on your hangover free journey, which might be fully sober, mindful drinking or sober curious, I would always encourage a first date to be a sober one. I have found many benefits to sober dating from helping build my inner confidence away from alcohol, to making better dating choices and having better experiences to not wasting as much time as I can really ascertain how I actually feel about someone quicker. I don’t wake up feeling anxious although I definitely still overshare (I suppose I can’t blame alcohol for everything). It really has been a journey of self – discovery and growth that has allowed me to work on myself and given me insights into how I can show up better for myself and for others that I really don’t think I would have learnt had I still been in my booze infused dating bubble.

Below is my honest debrief of sober dating outlining the positives and negatives so you can make up your own mind about whether this could work for you.

I had a coaching client today ask: why did I start drinking? and it got me thinking about my own journey. I suppose for most of us it wasn’t necessarily why do I start drinking? It was more WHEN could I start drinking? There wasn’t really a question about if this was going to happen it was almost a predestined rite of passage which was bound in our social fabric.

I think there are many different reasons for this and everyone is so individual when it comes to their complex or simple relationship with alcohol depending on who you are, I very much sit in the complex camp. This week I decided to dive a little deeper to see what CHATGPT thinks and see what they think of this complicated topic. I actually think they have done quite a good job of explaining this topic (maybe even better than I could).

Alcohol consumption has been a part of human society for centuries. While some individuals choose not to drink, others find themselves drawn to alcoholic beverages. The motivations for drinking alcohol are diverse and can vary significantly from person to person. In this article, we aim to shed light on some common reasons why people drink alcohol.

It’s that time again – time for fun, festivities, and in most cases…lots of boozing! If, like us, you’re living a hangover-free life, don’t worry about FOMO during the festive season. There are plenty of AF fizzes to keep you in the mood to have fun this party season! Keep reading to uncover our favourites…

Our founder Emily Syphas was stuck in a destructive cycle of drugs, drink and unhealthy relationships and now she lives hangover-free. Here’s how…

I started my sobriety journey back in 2018, out of urgency. I was stuck in a destructive cycle of drugs, drinking and unhealthy romantic relationships. My mental health was at an all time low and I knew I needed help. At the time I was working in the nightlife scene in London and literally got paid to party. I knew I needed to make some serious lifestyle changes but wanted to continue doing my job, living my life to the fullest and not have to compromise on my social life. I decided to embark on living an alcohol-free life but not holding myself back because I no longer was drinking.

Was I going to be sober forever? Could I go from a problematic relationship with alcohol to an unproblematic relationship with alcohol? And what does it take to moderate? Do I need to be so labelled for the rest of my life? I started to explore and expand my horizons on different learnings around changing my relationship with alcohol away from full-time sobriety (something that isn’t often spoken about in the sober space). I am also a coach and help others with their relationship with alcohol, but moderation or occasional drinking isn’t something I have ever been able to do. I wanted to gain a deeper understanding of alcohol coming from a now unproblematic space and answer my questions.

I couldn’t find the language to use around my exploration. Did I want to go back to regularly having alcohol in my life? No, but I did want to explore what alcohol means to me so I created the concept of hangover-free living which as a baseline meant I lived a life with no hangovers.

I want to highlight this is going to mean something different for each person as we are all so individual. For some it will mean no alcohol at all and for others it might mean one or two drinks on a night out, but it’s open for you to decide what this means to you (through my exploration period this meant maximum 2 drinks, with food, over a few hours, with people I trusted and no more than twice a month). Crucially throughout this time I still very much saw myself as someone that doesn’t drink rather than someone that drinks alcohol occasionally.

When I talk about hangover-free living, I don’t just mean alcohol. I mean hangover free from regrets, hangover free from anxiety and hangover free from bad habits. It’s about taking your power back and creating a healthier and happier way of living that feels more accessible than having to fit into a label (if this doesn’t work for you).

Sober October is upon us once again, and given the last few months in the world we feel it’s the perfect time to put down the booze for 31 days to reset and reconnect with ourselves. A survey conducted by Alcohol Change over lockdown concluded that more than a quarter of people have drunk more during lockdown, and 1 in 5 people have been drinking as a response to stress or anxiety. It’s a great opportunity to put healthier habits and coping mechanisms in place for the last quarter of the year. We think a month off (although we would suggest 3 months if you want to really feel the benefits of an alcohol free life) is enough time to reap the rewards of better sleep, improved skin, feeling more focused and motivated, improved mood and have more energy. There really is nothing to lose by going alcohol free (apart from the booze) but everything to gain.

To help keep you motivated and on track, we have put together our 5 top tips to help you through a Sober October:

CBD is one of those wellness crazes that doesn’t seem to be going away. And for good reason too; its countless benefits target a myriad of issues. CBD products can be used to treat conditions such as chronic pain, inflammation, migraines, epilepsy, autoimmune diseases, depression, and anxiety. 

Short for cannabidiol, CBD is one of the many cannabinoids, or chemical compounds, found in marijuana and hemp. You’re probably already familiar with tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC – however unlike its counterpart, CBD is not intoxicating or psychoactive. So what does this really mean? It’s not going to make you high!

There are now an abundance of CBD brands to choose from. But if you’re new to the CBD party, this can be somewhat overwhelming – so we’ve narrowed down our absolute favourites so that you can take your pick from the top CBD brands to help you wind down and relax.