5 Tips for Sober Socialising on the Big Day

5 Tips for Sober Socialising on the Big Day

5 Tips for Sober Socialising on the Big Day

Celebrating the holidays or special occasions sober can be both empowering and rewarding, but it does require some preparation. Whether your day is packed with family traditions, festive gatherings, or quiet moments of reflection, these tips can help you enjoy every moment without the need for alcohol.

1. Plan Ahead

Preparation is key to navigating a big day sober. Decide on your strategy beforehand, especially when it comes to drinks. Bring along your favorite alcohol-free beverage, like a sparkling AF fizz, a festive alcohol-free mulled wine, or even a mocktail you’ve created yourself. Knowing what you’ll be sipping can help you feel confident and stay focused. Plus, having a drink in hand often deters others from offering you alcohol or asking too many questions.

2. Create a New Tradition

Start the day by celebrating yourself and your hangover-free lifestyle. Create a tradition that sets the tone for your day—perhaps a brisk winter walk, a morning run, or journaling about what you’re grateful for. Affirmations can also help you center your mindset: take a moment to remind yourself how far you’ve come and why your sober journey is so meaningful.

This fresh start to the day can serve as a powerful reminder that choosing sobriety is a gift to yourself.

3. Manage Expectations

Communicate your choice to stay sober with close friends or family ahead of time. Letting them know in advance can help manage their expectations and reduce social pressure. While most people will likely be supportive, there may be a family member or friend who questions your choice or encourages you to “just have one.” Be prepared for this and stay firm in your decision—you don’t owe anyone an explanation for prioritizing your well-being.

4. Prepare a One-Liner

Questions about your sobriety might come up, and having a prepared response can make these conversations easier. Keep it short and light, with replies like:

  • “I’m trying something new this year.”
  • “I’ve given up hangovers—it’s the best decision I’ve made!”

If someone is genuinely curious and coming from a supportive place, you can share more about your journey if you feel comfortable. But remember, you’re under no obligation to explain yourself.

5. Focus on What Brings You Joy

The holidays and special occasions are about so much more than drinking. Shift your focus to the other elements that make the day magical. Indulge in the delicious food, cozy up with a festive film, join in the games, or lend a hand with preparations.

The real beauty of staying sober is that you can be fully present, soaking in every moment. And the best part? You’ll wake up the next day feeling refreshed and proud of yourself for staying true to your goals.

Celebrating sober isn’t about missing out—it’s about showing up fully for yourself and the people around you. By planning ahead, creating new traditions, and focusing on the joys of the day, you’ll find that sobriety doesn’t limit the magic of the moment; it enhances it.

Here’s to a big day filled with connection, laughter, and no hangovers!

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Exploring the 8 Step Recovery Program: A Path to Healing

Exploring the 8 Step Recovery Program: A Path to Healing

Exploring the 8 Step Recovery Program: A Path to Healing

As I move deeper into my hangover-free journey, I remain open to exploring new practices and approaches to empower my journey. A few months ago, I began diving into Buddhist teachings and reading more about the 8 Step Recovery Program. This experience has been incredibly insightful, inspiring, and transformative. I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned from this journey, offering a fresh perspective for those navigating their own paths to recovery.

Unlike the traditional 12-step program, the 8 Step Recovery Program is rooted in Buddhist principles. It emphasizes mindfulness, self-awareness, and the impermanence of suffering, which I find deeply relatable and easier to digest.

The 8 Steps to Recovery

  1. Accepting that this human life will bring suffering.
  2. Seeing how we create extra suffering in our lives.
  3. Embracing impermanence to show us that our suffering can end.
  4. Being willing to step onto the path of recovery and discover freedom.
  5. Transforming our speech, actions, and livelihood.
  6. Placing positive values at the center of our lives.
  7. Making every effort to stay on the path of recovery.
  8. Helping others by sharing the benefits we have gained.

What resonates most with me is the program’s universal application. These steps are not limited to overcoming addiction to alcohol or drugs; they can be applied to anything that no longer serves us—social media, food, shopping, or even our thought patterns. This adaptability makes the 8 Step Recovery Program a powerful tool for creating a more positive and intentional life.

Addiction is part of the human condition. For some, it leads to destructive behaviors, but all of us can struggle with compulsions that distract us from pain or suffering. Whether it’s food, alcohol, work, or social media, these behaviors often serve as self-medication to cope with life’s hardships.

The Buddha understood the human mind’s tendency to chase pleasure and avoid pain, often leading to harmful cycles. His core teaching of the Four Noble Truths provides a framework for breaking free:

  1. There is suffering.Life inevitably involves suffering—birth, aging, illness, death, and the pain of separation or unfulfilled desires.
  2. Suffering is caused by craving.Our desires and attachments create a vicious cycle of craving, leading to more suffering.
  3. The end of craving can end suffering. Liberation comes when we relinquish addictions and let go of our cravings.
  4. There is a path leading away from suffering.The Noble Eightfold Path (understanding, motivation, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration) provides a way to live free from suffering.

In my journey, the 8-Step Recovery Program has helped me better understand my tendencies and cultivate a healthier, more intentional way of life. It’s not just about abstaining from harmful habits—it’s about replacing them with values, connections, and practices that nourish the mind and spirit.

If you’re curious to learn more, I highly recommend reading Eight Step Recovery by Valerie Mason-John.  Recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. It’s about showing up for yourself every day, even when it’s difficult, and discovering the freedom and peace that comes from living in alignment with your true self.

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Navigating Friendships in a Hangover-Free Life

Navigating Friendships in a Hangover-Free Life

Navigating Friendships in a Hangover-Free Life

Changing your relationship with alcohol—or choosing to go alcohol-free—can feel daunting, especially when it comes to friendships. How do you maintain your current connections? How do you form new ones? These fears are completely normal, particularly when many of our social bonds have been built around drinking.

I’ll admit, even now in my hangover-free life, I still laugh at the wild stories from my drinking days. Those moments—fueled by white wine, questionable decisions, and scandalous behavior—can feel like the stuff of legends. Back then, alcohol often seemed like a shortcut to connection and the glue that held friendships together.

But the truth is, genuine friendships are about much more than drunken nights and shared shots. Real connection takes time, trust, and the ability to be there for each other—whether you’re swinging from the chandeliers or meeting for a hangover-free brunch.

If anything, removing alcohol from the equation reveals the true depth of your relationships. It highlights who your real friends are—the ones who value you for who you are, not for the drinks you share or the parties you attend together.

Living alcohol-free can feel like a spotlight shining on your relationships. Without the social lubrication of booze, you see friendships for what they truly are. This clarity can be liberating but also challenging, especially if you feel disconnected from your usual social group or left out in certain situations.

In my experience, the friendships that truly matter will survive and thrive, regardless of whether or not you drink. And those that don’t? They often fall away because they were built on shallow foundations—requiring a drink in hand to keep them afloat.

For me, going alcohol-free hasn’t just meant letting go of unaligned friendships; it’s also created space for deeper connections and new friendships that reflect my values. By embracing alcohol-free events, workshops, and activities, I’ve opened myself up to a world of meaningful relationships while continuing to nurture my most important older friendships.

As I’ve grown, I’ve also become more intentional about my relationships. I’ve learned to value quality over quantity, seeking out connections that truly serve me and letting go of those that don’t.

Tips for Navigating Friendships Sans Booze

If you’re wondering how to manage your social life while living alcohol-free, here are my top tips:

1. Honesty Is the Best Policy

Be open about why you’re making this lifestyle change. Whether it’s for your mental health, to feel better, or to avoid negative consequences, sharing your reasons with those who matter will help them understand and support you. Honesty can also deepen your connections and foster trust.

2. Not Everyone Will Understand

Some people might struggle to understand your choice to stop drinking. It could make them reflect on their own relationship with alcohol or simply seem foreign to them. That’s okay. It’s not your job to convince them or seek their approval. As long as you understand your decision, that’s what matters.

3. Be Proactive

If most of your social life revolves around drinking, you may need to take the lead in creating new opportunities for connection. Attend alcohol-free events, join workshops, or try group activities like exercise classes. The friendships you want won’t just land on your doorstep—you’ll need to go out and find them.

4. Set Boundaries

It’s okay to manage expectations. If you’re invited to a boozy night out, let your friends know you’ll attend but may leave early. Or, if a situation feels too triggering, politely decline and suggest meeting for lunch or coffee another time. Prioritize your well-being.

5. Not Everyone Deserves Your Story

When meeting new people, it’s tempting to explain your decision not to drink in great detail. But remember, you don’t owe anyone your full story. Sometimes, a simple “I just feel better without alcohol” is enough. Share what feels right, but don’t feel obligated to justify yourself.

6. You Are More Than Your Choice Not to Drink

Your decision to live hangover-free doesn’t define you. You’re an interesting, unique, and vibrant person with so much to offer. Anyone lucky enough to have your friendship will appreciate you for the incredible human you are—not whether you drink or not.

7. If Someone Doesn’t Support You, They Aren’t Your True Friend

This might sound harsh, but it’s true. Real friends will support your positive choices and encourage your growth. If someone criticizes or undermines your decision not to drink, it may be time to reevaluate that relationship.

8. “Not Now” Doesn’t Mean “Not Ever”

Some friends may need time to adjust to your lifestyle change. Initially, they may struggle to see how your relationship fits without alcohol. Give them space to process and be open to reconnection down the line.

9. They Only Know What They Know

Your friends or new connections might not understand the benefits of a hangover-free life—yet. Remember how you once felt about not drinking before experiencing the positives for yourself. This perspective can help you extend empathy and patience as they navigate their reactions.

10. Be Okay Letting Go

Friendships ebb and flow, and it’s natural for some relationships to fade as your lifestyle evolves. Letting go of people who no longer align with your values creates space for new, meaningful connections. Celebrate the friendships that support you and embrace the new ones waiting to grow.

Living alcohol-free isn’t just about what you’re leaving behind; it’s about what you’re making space for. The journey may not always be easy, but it’s incredibly rewarding. Whether you’re deepening old friendships or building new ones, remember that you deserve relationships that align with who you truly are.

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Rediscovering Myself Through Solo Sober Travel

Rediscovering Myself Through Solo Sober Travel

Rediscovering Myself Through Solo Sober Travel

Two years ago, I took my first big solo trip: a journey to Bali. It came on the heels of the biggest breakup of my life, and I was determined to reconnect with myself (yes, very Eat, Pray, Love vibes). Bali was originally a trip my ex and I had dreamed of taking together, but I realized I didn’t want my life—or my travel dreams—to depend on someone else. The world is vast, and while we can’t control when we’ll meet our “travel plus one,” we can control how we choose to live our lives.

It was my first time traveling so far alone, and I’ll admit, I felt anxious about going. But instead of letting fear hold me back, I leaned into the opportunity to create new experiences—by myself, for myself. I wanted to deepen my self-trust, nurture my self-love, and prove that I was more than capable of filling my own cup without relying on someone else to do it for me.

The trip was nothing short of transformative. I took myself to solo dinners, ventured out on day trips, made new friends, and explored at my own pace. I crafted a bucket list of everything I wanted to experience—without needing to compromise for anyone else. The only person I had to answer to was me, and it felt empowering.

Traveling sober can be both freeing and challenging. On one hand, I feel safe and grounded; on the other, I don’t have alcohol to turn to in moments of anxiety, loneliness, or uncertainty—moments that are inevitable, even fleeting, on any journey. Alcohol used to smooth over those feelings. 

Instead of escaping discomfort, I learned to sit with my emotions. I got to know myself more deeply, processed my feelings fully, and discovered the art of self-soothing. I found adventure and confidence within and learned to validate and love myself without seeking it externally. It was a profound reminder that I am enough, just as I am.

You don’t need to fly to Bali to experience this kind of self-discovery. It’s about carving out space to connect with yourself and remembering that, no matter what, you’ll always have you. The greatest love of your life is yourself, and investing time to nurture that relationship is one of the most powerful things you can do.

So, whether you’re planning a solo weekend getaway or a trip halfway across the world, I encourage you to take that leap. You don’t need a special occasion or a companion to start exploring. You got this!

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Top Six Sober Clubbing Tips

top alcohol free sober clubbing tips

Top Six Sober Clubbing Tips

Whether you’re practicing sobriety, cutting back, or simply exploring a different way to enjoy the nightlife, hangover-free clubbing can be a refreshing and rewarding experience. With the right mindset and a few savvy tips, you can dance the night away, fully present and energised, without a drop of alcohol. In this blog, we’ll share our top tips for making the most of your sober clubbing experience, ensuring your night is filled with fun, connection, and unforgettable memories.

Do A Party Crew Check In

Your party crew are a key element to having a successful and fun sober evening. Are the party crew supportive of your sober evening? Is there someone in the group that will be able to take 5 minutes with you if you are struggling? Is there someone else in the group that might not be drinking too that can wing you for the evening? I have had both situations where I have been in groups where everyone is drinking and then when a few people aren’t. Both have worked well but the key is communicating to the group how important this is for you and voicing that you would like to be sorted. I have also not gone to certain events because I didn’t feel the people who were inviting me were supportive enough of my journey.

Get Yourself In A High Vibe

Before a big social occasion I like to meditate, go for a 20 minute run and listen to some house music. I like to keep myself in a high vibe so I’m in a good head space that not only helps keep me confident in my choice to have a sober evening but it makes me feel good and puts me on a high before I even arrive for the evening.

Make Your Drink Choices Before You Arrive

Decide what will be your first drink choice of the evening, the choice you will make because you like the drinks, the choice you will make if you need some energy and the choice you need to keep you hydrated (newsflash: its water). Let’s be honest, nightclubs still haven’t got on the vibe with AF offering so this will probably have to be kept quite basic. For example I will start with an alcohol free beer, drink water constantly and if I am planning a BIG night (hello 6:00am) then I will plan to have a Red Bull to keep me going. Planning what you will have before you go will ease the thoughts of what else is available (aka a glass of wine).

Wear The Right Footwear

Now you are no longer clubbing booze infused it’s critical you wear the right comfy footwear for clubbing. There is no drinking through the pain on this night out and your senses can be a lot more heightened sober and you don’t want this to stop you from throwing sober shapes on the dancefloor.

Look For Moments Of Joy

I want you to look around and feel present and really notice the moments of joy. Is it reconnecting with a friend and dancing? Is it hearing your favourite tune being played? Is it the energy of the club? Is it seeing people laughing together? Is it feeling proud of yourself that you are actually enjoying yourself and feeling free of any substance? Not only will this help you to feel more joy during your evening but you’ll also feel more present and realise the reasons you are enjoying yourself isn’t about the alcohol. If you’re feeling triggered it’s a great exercise to do to get past the craving.

Plan How You Will Get Home

Plan this before you arrive so this isn’t something occupying your mind should you want to leave early or indeed stay for the whole party. Is there a local taxi number you can take with you? Will you pre-book something before you head out? Is there someone that will leave with you should you want to leave before everyone else? Do you have your hotel/villa address? Planning this will help your evening feel like it’s sorted and the only thing left to do is ENJOY yourself!

Alcohol-free clubbing is more than just a way to avoid a hangover – it’s an opportunity to engage more deeply with the music, your friends, and yourself. By focusing on the positive aspects of the experience, from clear-headed conversations to energising dance moves, you can redefine what a night out means to you. So next time you hit the club, try having a hangover-free night or improving your current AF clubbing experiences.

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How To Handle Your Muchness

How To Handle Your Muchness

How To Handle Your Muchness

I have spent most of my life living in too muchness. This was never more present than when it came to my drinking and drug taking. A true life of muchness.

I was either not drinking, going to the gym every day, juicing, going to yoga and going to bed at 10:00pm or going out for 2 days straight and bouncing between high and hungover. This translated to every area of my life. I was either fully IN or fully OUT.

Too Muchness In Dating

I am a wildly passionate and loving human that is also super neurodiverse. I have always found it hard to regulate my emotions without them swinging to extremes. This has been difficult when it has come to building relationships, specifically romantic relationships. I feel deeply or find it difficult to feel at all which means I find it hard to navigate the middle mode of emotions.

Then there is always the question of do I tell my dates I am neurodiverse or do I wait for them to realise that maybe there is something a little ‘unique’ about me, my emotions and the way my brain operates. I also experience very highs and crashing lows.  I am not sure if this is very sexy? And I’m pretty sure it can all feel a little bit too much (even with my shiney sober self).

When it comes to dating I can’t multiple date and I prefer to put my energy into one connection as I find it hard to have emotions for more than one person at one time. The plus side? I am super loyal, I give myself the chance to get to know people properly without writing them off too early (which I think we can do all  too easily when it comes to modern dating as we are only one swipe away from our next date) and I am more intentional about who I date. I think there is real value in getting to know one person well rather than many people on the surface.

Too Muchness In Other Relationships

I don’t just find this when building romantic relationships but just when building relationships in general. I am no doubt a people person and thrive off new connections and social occasions. I like to get to know people and have no time for shallow and surface conversations. I am curious about people and love to always find out more.

Sometimes this might be ‘too much’ for people but ultimately, we are all human and we are here to shine our brightest light, not dim our sparkle and mine just happens to be my very inquisitive, thoughtful and deeply emotional personality and brain.

Since starting my hangover free journey back in 2018 I feel like my emotions are more in HD than they have ever been. Without alcohol I can no longer escape the fact they are all mine. I would often think maybe it was alcohol’s fault or my hangover’s fault for the muchness of my mind but it turns out that no, it’s just MY mind.

I can be labeled ‘too intense’ ‘too sensitive’ and ‘too emotional’. I found an article by Psychology Today about too muchness and I found the below paragraph which sums up how I feel and explains my life experience a little better;

Some people feel more than others. They are often told—spoken and unspoken—that they are “too much,” “too intense,” “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” and that their behaviors are either “too dramatic” or “too timid.”

People who feel more deeply and intensely than others are more aware of subtleties; their brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. People with emotional intensity are sometimes described as sensitive, caring, and attentive. At their best, they can be exceptionally perceptive, intuitive, and keenly observant of the subtleties of the environment. Yet they are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others’ emotional and psychic energies.They tend to notice and remember a lot and can be overstimulated when things are too chaotic or novel for a long time.

The Benefits Of Too Muchness

I have a deep understanding of humans and their emotions – I can really FEEL others when they are talking to me which means I have a really deep understanding of them which allows for deeper connections.

I am highly sensitive to my surroundings – this means I am able to feel a deep appreciation and pleasure for things such as nature, art, music, sounds and textures.

I am very open and loving – I can really feel love easily and view others with empathy and kindness.

I am perceptively gifted –  I can sense and perceive things that others miss. With acute awareness, I can see beyond superficiality, grasp patterns, and make linkages.

Intellectually I am  inquisitive and reflective – I have a strong need to seek to understand, to expand my horizons and  to gain knowledge.

I can connect with my intuition – I can almost feel things before they happen or before they are said.

How To Embrace Your Muchness

Self – acceptance – learning self -acceptance, giving yourself self – compassion and self kindness for the unique being that you are is a great place to start in your journey of embracing your muchness.

You have a gift – seeing the world in a different way is a gift. You are able to connect with yourself, the world and others they many people cannot simply access. If you can learn to harness this power you can start to view these qualities as your gifts to the world.

Create communication – sometimes it might feel that others find it hard to understand you. It is important with those closest to us or sometimes with new relationships that we are able to communicate our needs and explain a little more how our brain works so we can make our relationships run a little more smoothly.

I hope you can see how magical, unique and special you really are and that your muchness is your superpower.

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Why We Should Stop Shaming Moderation

why we should stop shaming drinking in moderation

Why We Should Stop Shaming Moderation

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen sober coaches, sober Instagram pages, sober podcasts, books or articles shame moderation. I believe that the concept moderation isn’t here to be shamed but to be shared because the majority of us wouldn’t have even got to more positive drinking habits or indeed sobriety without it.

The concept of moderation to anyone with a difficult relationship with alcohol can seem like a unicorn that they can almost touch but as much as they try they somehow just end up back on the drinking horse. It can seem like an impossible dance back and forth trying to reach the promised lands of moderation.

I spent my life in this dance for years. Wanting my drinking habits to be better, thinking that this time would be different, thinking I could just have one or two (and sometimes I could). Then I would always end back into my cycle and feel deflated, guilty and like I had let myself down again. I know how difficult this can feel but I think there is much value in moderation and much to be learned from the concept. 

I have noted below my tops reasons why I think moderation shouldn’t be shamed and can actually empower us on our journey; 

Moderation can feel like a less scary place to explore than sobriety – moderation can often be the first step into a sobriety journey. Many people start to think that their drinking habits are having a negative effect in their life and want this to change. The thought of giving up alcohol FOREVER or for a long period can seem terrifying but moderation gives us a first step into exploring a life with less alcohol.

Moderation can highlight the help you actually need – you might arrive at moderation thinking you will just start to have one or two on a night out and slowly start to realise that you are drinking more than you intended and that moderation isn’t actually possible for you (no judgement by the way its a difficult place to straddle for sure). This can often lead to people reaching out for further support and looking into other options (hello sobriety).

Some people can genuinely moderate – I know people that are moderate drinkers, I know people that have had serious drug and drink issues and can have the occasional drink. I realise this might not be the majority but these people exist and who are we to take that away or shame this option when for some people it really works and helps them to lead a healthier and happier life.

Moderation can make sobriety easier – the thing is if you have tried to moderate and it hasn’t worked out for you it might make it easier to land in a totally alcohol-free life. It can make you feel like you have explored all avenues and feel like an easier segway into sober living without feeling like there is something else you need to explore.

Moderation has helped me in my own journey from both sides of the coin. I have experienced this being useful  as I once had a very problematic relationship with alcohol and moderation was never an option for me despite trying so hard and this is what made me realise I needed to get sober. 

Then after my years of getting to the root cause of my drinking, therapy, changing daily habits, training in the many courses I have done around addiction and transformation and no longer needing to escape my life, I found myself in a situation where I was able to indeed just have one or two on occasion and the concept of moderation allowed me a space to explore.

I don’t think that without being 4 years totally sober and doing such deep work on myself I would have gotten to a space where an occasional drink was possible for me. My months of moderation also gave me greater insights into what alcohol gives me and the truth of that is that it makes me feel vibrationally lower and living alcohol-free is how I want to live my life. 

Moderation can be the reason someone gets to sobriety, moderation can be the reason someone is able to cut down their drinking and moderation can be the reason why someone is able to look at their relationship with alcohol in the first place.  Let’s not shame it!

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What Is The Difference Between An Unhealthy Habit VS Addiction?

What Is The Difference Between An Unhealthy Habit VS Addiction?

What Is The Difference Between An Unhealthy Habit VS Addiction?

If I were to ask you what your unhealthy habits are, what would you tell me?

Mine right now is scrolling on the internet on my phone before bed and first thing in the morning. I once had my morning routine sussed and my phone didn’t make an appearance until I had finished but bad habits have a way of creeping back in if we don’t become vigilant with them. This is also my accountability FYI that from tomorrow (Monday is always a great day to start a new habit by the way so do feel free to join me) I will get back into reading 20 minutes before bed and do a meditation when I first wake up. Accountability is key when we are looking to make a change. If you feel like it do let me know in the comments section what small or big change you would like to make this week and we can do this together!

A good example of when an unhealthy habit of mine spiralled is when I started socially smoking at college and then just like that I was going to the newsagent every morning and I became a daily smoker. What was once an unhealthy social habit soon becomes an unhealthy addiction. Smoking has also been the most difficult thing for me to kick. It has helped me deal with breakups and breakdowns in my hangover free life and given me something to help deal with difficult emotions. But each time I have picked it back up again I put it back down straight away and unlike my younger smoking days it stays firmly in the unhealthy habit category and does not spiral into the addiction category (progress not perfection right?).  Don’t get me wrong I have dealt with plenty of big things without resorting back to unhealthy behaviours but sometimes life happens and it all feels too much and we need to move through turbulent times with some sort of coping method (maybe yours is alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, online shopping, gambling, food or social media). 

I am telling you this because it’s important to recognise we are all human. I am by no means perfect and yes I have overcome a lot but we are still all just doing our best and navigating the rocky waters of life. The last few months in my life have been particularly difficult but I am pleased to report I have dealt with things through running, yoga, swimming, cups of tea and tapping with maybe some internet scrolling but like I said progress not perfection. I call this habit positive progress. 

But what happens when we can’t stop our unhealthy habit? 

I have recently been studying a new coaching course with the amazing Nikki Heyder (if you don’t follow her you definitely should) and this has been a topic we have been covering. I wanted to share this with you because we ALL have unhealthy habits of some sort but when exactly does this become an addiction?

What Is Addiction?

According to Medical News Today addiction is:

Addiction is an inability to stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior even though it is causing psychological and physical harm.

According to Psychology Today, addiction is:

A person with an addiction uses a substance, or engages in a behavior, for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeat the activity, despite detrimental consequences. Addiction may involve the use of substances such as alcohol, inhalants, opioids, cocaine, and nicotine, or behaviors such as gambling.

According to Dr Gabor Mate (addiction expert) addiction is:

Any behavior that gives a person temporary relief and pleasure, but also has negative consequences, and to which the individual will return time and again.

Essentially we can look at addiction as an unhealthy habit (that we can’t stop) that has spun out of control that we continue to engage in despite its negative consequences. Whereas an unhealthy habit can be recognised as destructive but is something that we can stop engaging in.

Things can spiral for a number of different reasons – a big life change, health issues, mental health issues, trauma, feelings of grief, shame, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, social pressure, environment, difficult family dynamics, stress, genetic predispositions, or a hedonistic lifestyle over a prolonged period of time. There are so many factors as to how an unhealthy habit can turn into an addiction and why we engage in a bad habit in the first place.

It’s important to know that if this resonates with you that change is possible and there is help out there. It can feel really scary but reaching out for help is a brave act and nothing to feel ashamed about.

I believe addiction and unhealthy habits are on a spectrum and there doesn’t need to be a rock bottom moment. There might be something that you are doing in your life that is having a negative effect on your life and you are unhappy with. This is enough of a reason to want to stop and reach out for help (as much as a rock bottom moment is).  The lift can stop at floor 3 where you can get out without it having to go all the way down to floor 0.

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Challenges Of Sober Socialising

Challenges Of Sober Socialising

Challenges Of Sober Socialising

There is no doubt about it, sober socialising can feel daunting at times. Even though I have been hangover free for 5 years and have had many many sober socialising experiences there are still moments I feel socially awkward, know I would feel more excited about the evening if I thought I was going to have a drink and question whether or not I actually want to go (because honestly staying in bed with a cup of tea is calling my name).

Regardless of whether you are sober sober, sober curious, hangover free or just taking a night off from time to time it can feel more challenging and more daunting than others. Today I wanted to write about some of the challenges you might face to let you know this is completely normal and that you are not alone.

I have listed below some challenges you might face…

You Might Feel Left Out

Socialising with others who drink can often leave non-drinkers feeling out of place, uncomfortable, and even bored. One of the biggest challenges of socialising without alcohol is finding a way to fit in with others who do drink. Many non-drinkers feel like they’re missing out on the fun because everyone around them is drinking. It can be tough to find common ground with others when you feel they are on a different level to you.

You Might Feel Peer Pressure

Socialising without alcohol can be a challenging task, especially in a society where drinking is considered as a norm for social occasions. This is obviously improving and I hope by being a member of our community that this feels easier for you but there is no doubt that peer pressure can play a big part in the choices we make.

You Might Feel Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is an extreme fear of being judged or scrutinised by others in social or performance situations. Not everyone will suffer from this but it can be quite debilitating if you do and no doubt you may have found some coping strategies to manage this (hello alcohol). Alcohol can reduce stress and inhibit impulse control, having the effect of temporarily relieving the symptoms of anxiety; unfortunately, these “positive” effects are fleeting.

You Might Find It Difficult To Tell People You Aren't Drinking

Sometimes telling people you don’t drink is harder than actually not drinking. Will they judge me? Do they still think I am fun? Will they still want to spend time with me? I know this can feel difficult but just know that if anyone actually does think any of these then they are not your people.

You Might Need To Re-Navigate Your Social Life

Let’s be honest, being around people racking up a row of tequila just isn’t going to be as fun. The things that you used to find fun might not be anymore but that’s okay because there are so many other things you can do to have a thriving social life. Like yummy dinners, AF cocktail hunting, reading, alcohol-free events, joining group exercise classes or joining a chess club (yes I am actually about to do this).

If any of these resonate with you I want you to know its all part of the process, growth and self – discovery finding your authentic self sans booze.

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The Advantages & Disadvantages of Sober Dating

The Advantages & Disadvantages of Sober Dating

The Advantages & Disadvantages of Sober Dating

Never have I ever had more regret than my drinking days and dating. I would wake up feeling anxious about what I said knowing I had over shared on every area of my life, potentially suggesting we should pick up drugs and most probably ending back at theirs. The sinking feeling of knowing I will probably not ever see them again. What I really wanted was to feel held and feel love even if it was for a fleeting moment. The cost of these fleeting moments were a spiral of self deprecation and feeling even worse about myself than I already did. This was the destructive cycle of my dating life pre 2018. Just about as destructive as my drinking and drug taking. I would most probably already be half cut by the time I even got to the date. I would often think of all the potential boyfriends that maybe would have been had I not been such a mess in my dating heyday (although now I am very grateful that none of them actually did become my boyfriend).

When I got sober I started my true journey of self love where I learnt to practice self love and not seek validation from external factors (in my case the opposite sex), I started to create boundaries in my dating life, get really intentional about the type of person and relationship I wanted. I started to get to know myself and figure out what I actually wanted instead of just caring if someone was good looking and was going to get drunk with me (no wonder things never really worked out).

Regardless where you are on your hangover free journey, which might be fully sober, mindful drinking or sober curious, I would always encourage a first date to be a sober one. I have found many benefits to sober dating from helping build my inner confidence away from alcohol, to making better dating choices and having better experiences to not wasting as much time as I can really ascertain how I actually feel about someone quicker. I don’t wake up feeling anxious although I definitely still overshare (I suppose I can’t blame alcohol for everything). It really has been a journey of self – discovery and growth that has allowed me to work on myself and given me insights into how I can show up better for myself and for others that I really don’t think I would have learnt had I still been in my booze infused dating bubble.

Below is my honest debrief of sober dating outlining the positives and negatives so you can make up your own mind about whether this could work for you.

ADVANTAGES

Recognising Red Flags Sooner

I can sniff out a red flag a mile away – emotionally unavailable, not looking for anything serious, has an unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol, does not share the same values as me, inconsistent and many many other red flags that you can notice while dating. The truth is previously I would ignore these things because of the chemistry, because we got on so well and because we had a laugh but the truth is I no longer find any of these attractive and can easily leave a situation when I know in the long run it won’t fully serve me.

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

I always feel I am bringing my best and true self to a date. I feel more confident knowing things won’t escalate, that I won’t slur my words and that I will stay in control and be able to keep my boundaries in place. I know my date will get to know the real me and this makes me feel more confident about sober dating.

You Know If Feelings Are Real

 I can’t tell you how many people I would think I found attractive, had great conversation with and had great chemistry but the reality was after a few more dates I realised we didn’t have that much in common and it was the alcohol that was heightening my emotions and making me feel more into the person than I actually was.

You Attract Healthier Dates

I am not interested in people that drink or take drugs, that aren’t prepared to be vulnerable, that don’t own their sh**, and that don’t want to make an effort – I won’t date someone that is not in alignment with my lifestyle. I  feel the people that come into my life now that I am not drinking feel more intune with who I am (they tend to be non drinkers or mindful drinkers, want to lead a life making healthier choices and want to form more conscious connections) 

DISADVANTAGES

Rejection Feels More Painful

I have had many times when things haven’t worked out with someone and it has felt so deeply painful. It can feel like someone is rejecting my true self. I no longer have the excuse of ‘I was drunk’ or ‘I was a total mess’. It can feel even more heartbreaking when things don’t work out and I also don’t have anything to help me escape my feelings.

You Have Less Sex

 I will be writing a whole article around this but I no longer engage in casual sex now that I am sober, which means unless I am in a relationship or have been seeing someone for a while I don’t get much errrm… action!! I am also not placing myself in places like a nightclub or bar as often where I would usually meet people for this to be a regular option. Depending on how you feel about sex (there is no judgment here if casual sex does work for you) you may find this area of your life is a lot less than it once used to be.

BEST ALCOHOL FREE DATES

If you are feeling like you want to give AF dating a go I have put together some fun dating ideas. In fact I received this message from a friend the other day.

‘Decided to stop drinking for a bit. Just had my first sober date. Thoroughly enjoyed it and now home and very content I can wake up without a hangover. Hope you are good’

If I haven’t been able to convince you it’s a good idea maybe my friends’ glowing review of AF dating will. 

Fair Game

25 Fishermans Walk, London E14 4DH

https://www.wearefairgame.com/

Remember when you were a kid at the funfair and all you could think was, “Please make the fun last forever.” Fast forward to Canary Wharf, 2023. It’s time to be a kid again. All those fairground games you couldn’t get enough of, now with the very latest tech, London’s hottest street food, plus 3 bars serving cocktails and craft beer. All the fun and all the Lucky Saint! Great for a competitive and interactive date!

Club Soda Tasting Rooms

39 Drury Ln, London WC2B 5RR

https://joinclubsoda.com/tasting-room/

Why not book in a cocktail making masterclass? Or get the experienced bar team to shake you up an AF delight? And impress your date in London’s first non -alcoholic tasting room. Club Soda’s Tasting Room, Bar and Shop is the UK’s premier destination for low and no drink discovery, offering you a chance to explore a curated collection of over 150 of the best and brightest low-alcohol and alcohol-free drinks brands.

Candlelight Concert

Various locations

https://candlelightexperience.com/

Want a romantic evening? Enjoy a host of concerts illuminated by candlelight and performed by live musicians taking place in various spectacular locations, these candlelit performances allow you to experience live music in a completely new way. Enjoy a wide variety of themes and genres: classical, jazz, pop, movie soundtracks, ballet, among others.

Evelyn's Table

28 Rupert St, London W1D 6DJ

https://www.theblueposts.co.uk/evelyns-table/

Do you want to spoil your date? Then this is an impressive sober spoiler!! Think 5 course tasting menu with AF drinks pairing. No doubt this will get you a second date! An intimate 12-seater counter dining experience, led by Head Chef James Goodyear. Evelyn’s Table serves an evolving menu built on James’s formative experiences, a love of British produce, and Scandinavian and Japanese techniques all underpinned by his classic French training.

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